I saw "The Da Vinci Code" on Friday night. I have finally seen Christianity for what it has always been, an elaborate hoax designed to oppress the multitudes, especially those of us not equipped with phalluses. I now recant my orthodoxy, and recant my phallus, and I recant the rather WASP-y connotations of my name. I now feel free to not assert anything except the One Great Commandment, "Thou shalt not make any absolute statements (except this one)."
Let me just say that if this mediocre movie poses any kind of a threat to Christianity, the public consciousness is even more infantile than any of us had imagined.
On the other hand, I think Ron Howard and company have done all of us a favor by making anti-Christian sentiment appear so ludicrous. I hope that Elaine Pagels' opinions routinely become indistinguishable from Dr. Teabing's. Oh, wait; they already are.
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